Forty-plus years ago, I was lucky enough to be born into a fantastic family. My mom and dad, Bob and Judy loved me and my siblings in a huge way, we enjoyed a charmed childhood in South Dakota. I grew up believing life would continue in this very black and white methodical way, where following God equaled a life that made sense. For a long time it did. Cut to a diagnosis of PSC (primary sclerosing cholangitis ) the need for a live liver donor, the death of my brother, a failed marriage. Where was the God that allowed only good things to those that loved him and followed the rules? This blog "Processing the Pain" was written during those confusing and painful times struggling with the pain and shame of being the recipient of a portion of my brother's liver, the result being his unexpected death. 

My life would never be the same, my black and white life experiences nearly paralyzed me into believing I only deserved the worst. But somehow I met God again in the gray. Finding Him there is deep and beautiful. 

Simultaneous to my suffering, Shannon, my brother's widow was experiencing her own. She would survive, she would continue getting up every morning, she would find God in her gray. Eventually, we found each other and a beautiful and surprising love. 

We continue to search, to love, to share our story. Our hearts beat for our boys, our family, the pain of others experiencing their own gray. We hope our story resonates and inspires. Endure the pain, know there is good still coming and God is there before, during and after.