“But we were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel. Indeed, besides all this, it is the third day since these things happened.” Luke 24:21
Am I in the third day? Feels like every day is the third day, and I’m always pointing back to Friday with an indignant finger and a blind eye to the future.
I keep looking for the ‘break’. The sign. The omen. Something to reassure me that this is all going to be ok and that God is blocking ahead for me. To slap some sort of label to all of this so it is digestible. And if not digested, at least bearable.
Sometimes I forget I’m not the quarterback. Sheez. I’m not even the running back.
So here’s where I’m at, whether you want to know or not ☺
I believe Jeremiah 29:11 – that God has a future and a hope for me. Yeah, it’s been a bitter pill to swallow, but I’ve washed it down with tears and humble pie. I also believe the first part too, that He knew me before my lungs ever welcomed their first breath.
Now, I don’t know how this new reality fits into the picture He drew on the cosmic landscape before I took my place on life’s stage. I can’t answer whether or how He saw this part of my life back then. I’m not a theologian and I wouldn’t wish that riddle on my worst enemy.
But either way, life is what it is. For me. For you. I don’t know where I’m headed or how I’ll get there. You might not know your own path either. I want to believe God knows. I think He does, whether or not it’s the contingent plan or Plan A. I have to believe He does.
Sadness is a deep darkness. It can swallow you whole without you realizing you’re the day’s meal. But Faith blindly steers us through that darkness. I’ve been hurrying my way through it, many times – as you can tell through these pages – finding myself right back where I started. But I don’t think I’m supposed to rush it. Don’t hasten the day.
When I’m in the dark, I’m forced to listen in lieu of seeing.
What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight... Matt 10:22 27
I’ve read past entries, and the observations made and the conclusions drawn don’t seem like they came from me. Truly, if you knew me, you would agree.
I have to reckon then, that these words did not come from me. I think I’ve just echoed them without knowing that I had heard them first. From the darkness, light.
I am only now seeing things that have always been obvious. And just as obvious, I had not been where I needed to be to see them. I’m standing with the boys in John 16:12. He still had many things to tell me, but I couldn’t handle them yet.
Maybe yet is here now.
Isaiah 49:2
God put me to work from the day I was born. The moment I entered the world he named me. He gave me speech that would cut and penetrate. He kept his hand on me to protect me.
He made me his straight arrow
and hid me in his quiver.