I wasn’t born with an intrinsic optimistic mindset. If I were to win the lottery, the first words out of my mouth would probably have been, “Great, now how much am I going to be taxed on THAT?”
1. Over the last few weeks, that cynicism has been bolstered. Throughout the transplant process, I’ve lost a brother (.01% likelihood), my hospital stay has lasted longer (2 weeks longer than norm), I’ve had complications where at the beginning I was told, “this would be last case scenario, it hardly ever happens... I’ve never actually seen it happen...they just say that to brace you...etc.
Throughout my life I’ve heard to not focus on my worries. Besides only 1% of those things actually happen. Call it self-pity. Call it being weathered. But it feels like I’ve been getting more than my share of 1%’s lately. Even some hospital staff agree. I heard Strong’s is considering changing Murphy’s law to Chad’s law. (Yes, I’m laying the self-pity on pretty thick right now – deal with it).
2. Especially based on recent events, I’m not at all as trusting as I used to be. When someone says they’ll meet me here at this time or they’ll do this by then, I set that expectation bar very low. I don’t even get upset – I just plan on disappointment.
3. I’m crazy impatient. I have a very clear picture in my mind of where and how I want things to go. That goes for home life, professionally, and spiritually. Because I’m a rocket-fueled OCD perfectionist, you might say I can be a little overbearing.
4. And I don’t like the hard stuff. If there are going to be rough waters ahead I’m eyeing the closest lifeboat on my scamper down to the hull.
5. Ever see the Seinfeld where George pushes the kids and bowls over grandma out of the way so he can “clear” a path away from the fire? Yeah, that’s me.
I’d like to believe I have some redeeming qualities to offset these, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m wrecked.
So when Ryan told me I was worth it and sent me a message saying he believed in me, I struggled to accept that. Still do.
I Believe in You
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. Pretty sure Paul had someone like me on his mind when wrote that in First Corinthians.
Wait a minute....
Thought just hit me. Ryan DID believe in me because he KNEW that no matter what happened, I had just enough feeble fool in me to be the right guy to get it right. Man, he was wise beyond his years! I’m kidding. I think.
So what’s my point through all this garbled scribble? Despite my...
Ridonculous Cynicism (See point 1) Untrusting Bent (See point 2)
Crazy Impatience (See point 3) Difficulty Dodging (See point 4)