So yesterday came and went and I’m over it. I don’t understand everything. Don’t have to. If I did I wouldn’t need Faith.
I’m figuring this out, how to look at the future and envision myself in it, embracing it, living it. There’s only so much time I have left on this big ball of dirt. What can I become within that timeframe?
I’ve been hitting the gym hard, making up for lost time. It’s encouraging to regain strength where atrophy had taken over for too long.
At first, I could barely lift anything. Couldn’t do a pull-up or sit-up. Not a single one. Pretty sure Luke could’ve taken me at any time.
There’s a point in the workout where I don’t think I can do another rep. It burns, right? But then, after a while, you look forward to the burn. It’s tearing down your muscle so it can be rebuilt again. At the end of the workout, I’ve pushed myself so hard I’m literally shaking.
There was a time not too long ago I could barely walk up the incline of our 100-foot driveway. Seriously, couldn’t do it. The other day I finished my morning workout and went to put the trash out – at the top of the driveway. After rolling the trash cans up the driveway, I set them down and felt a surge of strength.
So I took off running down the neighborhood. I ran up the hill until I reached the end of the intersection, maybe 100 yards. Why? Because I’ve always been a little off.
But also because strength feels good when you haven’t had it before or been without it for too long. The hospital stays, the crutches, getting help standing up from the couch – it’s a world away from me now.
But more importantly, my guts are getting stronger. The insides – Faith. I used to hate the burn. I used to wallow in it. But why? Why would I embrace physical pain knowing it’s building muscle mass but despise spiritual pain when I know it’s only forging my soul into a precious metal? So now I’m going to face it, because I see what happens when I take it head on, wrestle with it – push through one more time. I am not the man today that I would have been without this experience, but the kind of man I am has everything to do with how I work through it.
My life isn’t hell. I’m just feeling the burn.
“By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us – set us right with him, make us fit for him – we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand – out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.” Romans 5:1-4